There is no doubt in my mind that I could and should be running under 4 hours for a marathon.. my best time was just a few months ago, and it was a 4:01:50 (9:13 pace).. my fall training.. adequate.. my racing.. faster than I have been in years…my long runs and weekly miles on target... I am truly in an exceptional place in my life right now… I can feel it…I AM STRONG!
But .. the legs got tired quickly… the happy dance became a skipped record, as the pace slipped into a trudge… into a deep, dark hole of nothingness…
The legs would not lift....carefully the mind goes through the process of accessing the situation….
Did I start too fast? ....Was I injured?... Was there a fuel problem?... Was the weather bad?.... Did I do too many races?... Or not enough?... Did I taper enough?… What lessons am I to learn!?
I struggled to finish and crossed the line with a 4:42:53 (10:48 average pace).. 42 minutes after what I thought... this is clearly not what my mind set up it to be…
Day three now after the marathon …and I am struggling to find something that I have learned..
What? That I have no quit?
I have already completed many marathons, ultras, and Ironmans under worse conditions, injuries, lack of nutrition, horrific weather, etc … and never gave up… I am fairly sure my mind is quite strong.. I am fairly SURE I HAVE NO QUIT… ..
I have finished dead ass last in a race before.. and I have won some races before.. its not about that…
I know.. I don’t need the lectures.. some people can't run, my mother couldn’t… not that she would have if she could but that’s besides the point, .. I am quite aware there are many people who can't...but it's not about that.. I get that… I truly do..
…something is missing… something … that I need to learn ..
….So I had myself a little cry at about mile 17… one of those I feel sorry for myself cries..
.. and then again at about mile 24-1/2 when I saw Joe … because I felt that perhaps I may have let him down…
BUT.. There has to be something... that I need to learn.. A LESSON…on why I believe myself to be so much better than I am...
So I caulk up another marathon… and sit and contemplate this… and when that light bulb hits…
