NO MORE RUNNING

Three weeks until Boston and I am about ready to lose my shit... so much self doubt has filled inside my head that I need to run to clear it.. 

...and the more I run to clear it... the more I shouldn't be running.  Every bone in my body has wanted to get to the Boston Marathon and it took 7 years to finally earn a qualifying time..but somehow I still have reservations about if I am worthy to line up next to the best runners in the world.  

I am so average and realize that these people who are running... are really that good.

Self doubt has never taken up much residence in my mind..I was brought up to believe in myself.. that anything was possible if I worked hard enough... If I wanted it bad enough... but over the years with reality stepping in proving over and over that there are limitations.. whether it's life limitations.. or physical limitations. they are there... so I have learned to make the best of what I have and strive to be the best that I ever will be...  but lately this has started to dissolve.. I guess the dark places are creeping up and I must figure out a way to slay them... 


So... since today is April Fools.. I am going to say.. April Fools.. of course I will run .. and of course I will be damn happy about it... but let's check in with me tomorrow.. ok?