Because ITS MY BIRTHDAY

My birthday day……

5:30 am: up early, breakfast with Joe … respond to all my wonderful birthday wishes and emails..

8:30 am: jumped in truck to drive the hour to Claymont Delaware for derby skates… hit up Panera, coffee, snack…

10:00am: an hour later arrive at Skatebuys in Claymont, excited... jump out of truck and race to door.. um.. hello.. door locked.. peer in window… hello?....check my watch, its 10:05am.. look at door… try door again (like I am assuming I am not pulling it hard enough).. still locked… peer in again.. HMPH.. check watch.. place was suppose to open at 10am.. it did not.. bang on door… HELLO?... go back to truck.. call them... no answer… get back out.. bang on door… try door again... sit back in truck.. call them.. no answer..

A little agitated… what to do?.. I am in Delaware..well...Christiana mall is “only” 15 miles away.. and since I am already in Delaware that is… I mines well ….because its my birthday…!

10:30am: so drive.. drive.. drive... get to Christiana Mall and the right lane ends and I have to merge.. do they NOT realize its my birthday!!! Refusal to allow me to merge.. sure its ok.. I ride down the side give them all the finger and cut in front of them…

I am now at Christiana Mall.. alot more agitated than I was say about a half hour ago.. and realize I really DON’T want to shop… just want to skate… but I don’t have skates..

Dilemma... BUT I bet some place in philly sells them and is open for skating.. I google on my phone and locate a couple of open rinks and go on to my new quest…. (I know I am mentally ill)....

10:45am: I am now heading down Route 95 towards philly…and coming up on the same exit I came off of where the skates are SUPPOSE to be in Claymont… you know THE NOT OPEN place… I try and call them one last time and I get an answering machine… ohhh… does this mean they are in???

Debate.. should I…. or should I not….??..... try and see if they are open ONE MORE TIME? … and WTF… off the exit I go…..AND YES they are OPEN! .....HAPPY DANCE.. because its my birthday..!!!

Go in.. get skates, jump back in truck.. and finish heading to philly.. I am going to open skate and try out my new skates!!!

11:45am: An hour later I’m in Northeast Philly and realize…WOW I am about 5 minutes from Joe’s work…

RING.. RING... Call Joe.. Want to do lunch for my birthday?.. Yes.. Great.. first have to check out roller rink…one moment please...

So Palace Roller Rink in Northeast Philly.. its off the Boulevard… btw WHO IN GODS NAME CREATED THE BOULEVARD?!.. its like 6 lanes divided into two sets of 3 lanes with a medium strip in the middle AND a ramp between each set of lanes.. so I am shooting to the left.. then to the right..then to the left.. and......

12:00pm: FINALLY… arrive at the rink... jump out of truck rush inside… find out it’s “Mommy and me” skate time.. ok?… So like “Do I need a kid to skate ?” (I ask the slightly irritated overweight man at the window)… .

YES you do… (I am SURE he was thinking more of YES, you stupid ingrate... idiot… why do you think its called, mommy and me! ) ..

Fine whatever… I ask him for a schedule.. for what reason... to save my dignity... because why the hell would I EVER drive an hour into this arm pit of society to skate anyway!?…pondering where I can find a child SO I CAN SKATE... off to meet Joe for lunch....

12:30pm: Pick up joe, who in turn brings me inside his office to meet all of his co-workers…..how precious… I don’t think I even brushed my hair… HERE IS MY BEAUTIFUL… here is Wendy.

Off we go to Unos, seat by the fire, a peppermint candy cane milk shake and walnut salad… because ITS MY BIRTHDAY…. !!!

Joe takes me next door to the mixed martial arts store for some apparel and ends up dropping $145 for both lunch and presents... SWEET… thank you darling.. kiss kiss.. he is looking for someone mentally stable.. please send all inquiries to Email Box: I cant take it anymore, please help... … I drop him off and head towards home.

2:00 pm: Out of Philly I go..an hour later I am nearing King of Prussia…thinking wow.. still have time..I can stop at the King of Prussia mall and look around…Because its MY BIRTHDAY!!!!

The OUT OF GAS light comes SCREAMING ON… with wild pings of like you are OUT OF GAS YOU MORON… . sheetah!!! SHEETAHHH!H!!! I plug in GPS (THANK YOU GPS) for nearest station.. PRAYING .. please.. please.. please… DO NOT run out … its FREEZING and I have to pee!!

WHEW.. find a gas station…start to breathe …that is “reasonably” priced at $3.08 per gallon and fill my tank for $75 dollars.. WTF!

2:15pm: SO TIRED… need A NAP… but I am soo close.. and its STILL MY BIRTHDAY.. ok.. so get to mall.. walk around REALLY fast…….. realizing that there are TOO MANY RICH people who can pay $75 for an eye cover made of FUR and $395 for a feather sweater... I dont blame the sales reps for completely ignoring me... I didn’t look like I had a dime… which of course is NOW true..

3:00pm: Jump back in truck… and I KNOW its STILL MY BIRTHDAY… I will head to Exton Mall, least they like me there, and hit up the tanning place.. and TJ Max..


5:00pm: have to get home, have to let Bessie out, feed … feed… feed… play…play..play… dress for practice, back in truck… Derby practice…

7:05pm: Made it to Derby Practice.. AWE! Bro, sister in law, kids stop by with balloons and a card… SWEET!! because ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!!

9:30pm - 2 hours of skating practice and drills… I am INSANELY exhausted…home, STARVING… pasta.. wine…

11:45pm – pass out and die…

BTW: I was up for all but 6 hours of my birthday day!!!!!

WHEW.. in 365 days I get to do this again!